idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
