Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
