She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
