there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just pee around me
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
