I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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