The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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