i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
