that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
