I will die if light touches me.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
