Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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