Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
