Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I hate all girls vehemently.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
