you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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