dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
