I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
