What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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