I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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