You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he was CRYING into my vagina
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
