Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
