you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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