If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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