I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
