I wish I could punch you in the face.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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