Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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