Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
