Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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