Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
