this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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