I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
