Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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