hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
