using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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