To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
