My room smells like vodka and shame
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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