I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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