I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
