i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
P.S. I can't hear my feet
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
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