Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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