Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
