well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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