I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
love makes seman taste better
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
