and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
