Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
