discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
