I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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