my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
