Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
