rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
