yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
