Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
