the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
